Erika likes to say our meeting was straight out of When Harry Met Sally. Joel disagrees. But it was New York, it was a party, and our friends were trying to set us up. We both said no.
We actually met in line for the bathroom, talking about Istanbul. Joel had lived there. Erika was about to travel there. It felt like a coincidence worth noting, even if neither of us wanted to admit it yet.
There was still an awkward introduction at exactly the wrong moment. Mutual disinterest. A quick mental note to move on.
And then Erika became friends with Joel's friends. And somehow, she was always around.
She was at the bar playing pool. At the ski house in Vermont. One of two women in a house full of guys. Planning dinners. Organizing birthdays. Making herself part of the story.
Joel: "I kept thinking, how is this woman everywhere?"
Erika: "I just decided I belonged."
At the time, Erika was dating someone else. Someone she had met at a party for Joel's best friend.
Joel: "He was a writer."
Erika: "That's important to him."
By Halloween, everything blurred together. A dinner here. A ski weekend there. Long drives back and forth became their own kind of ritual.
Erika + Joel Halloween 2001
Erika: "I got a Saab."
Joel: "She also got a passenger."
They drove for hours listening to Erika's old college soundtrack. A lot of the 80s. A lot of Tainted Love. They were goofy in the car. Talking. Laughing. Becoming inseparable without calling it that.
Halloween sealed it.
Joel showed up dressed as a cowboy. Erika wore a Studio 54-era New York look straight out of the 70s. Feathered hair. Lacy two-piece. Completely authentic.
Erika: "I was hitting on him all night."
Nothing happened until Joel left the city. He quit his job and packed up his life. Erika told him not to sell his things. She made him a care package. Inside it, completely by chance, was the audiobook for Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.
They did not speak for two weeks.
Then the phone rang.
Joel: Would you ever live on a plantation?
He picked her up in a rental car. They went to dinner. And then they went home.
Erika + Joel's wedding 2004
Sometimes love is instant. Sometimes it takes its time. Ours grew quietly, built on trust, friendship, and a feeling of peace that showed up long before we knew what to call it.
We wouldn't change a thing.
With love,
Erika + Joel